Secrets to a Smokin’ Hot, Long Term, Monogamous Marriage!

Dear Audrey Dayner,

I’ll start by telling you some secrets to having a great, red hot, smokin’ red hot, monogamous marriage. The first and most important is what my dad told me before I got married. He said a man's number one need is for respect. I’ve found this to be so true in my two plus decades of marriage.

Luckily, I'm blessed to be married to the coolest man in the world, who is an amazing musician, one of the greatest musicians ever. John’s music is so beautiful and he composes it to poetry. He literally hears music in his head when he's writing the poems that become songs. There is a reason that every woman wants a poet. Let's just say that it is justified.

The second is to have sex daily if at all possible, and health permitting. I know that sounds like a lot, but it's really important. It keeps you close to your guy. if you think it's unimportant then try this challenge try for a month, and then tell me how easy it is. You will suddenly find that everything's coming between you two, to try to interfere with this.

The devil is real and he will hit you hard with everything possible to try to create distance between you from your husband. Sickness. Being busy. Being on social media way too much. Suddenly all these things will come up, you'll be super busy, people invite you to be on a bunch of boards, you'll have a ton of meetings that hadn’t been scheduled in a long time.

I want to let wives know having that part of their lives die, it's not natural, and you can fight it, and you can win. The whole thing out there is that it just kind of naturally goes away, once you've been married for a long time. That's a lie from the pit of Hell.

When Jesus said, “I make all things new,” He meant it. And He meant it for this world, too, not just for when we get to Heaven.

Your friend,
Steph Dehner (No relation)


Kelly Winthrop wrote:
Dear Steph Dehner,
I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but should Christian women really be addressing these things publicly? I mean, the Bible says we should not be carnally minded, but spiritually minded. I don't mean to offend, I just don't know if we should be leading others in this manner.

Jill Harrington wrote: 
Dear Steph Dehner, 
I say this in Christian love, but I have to agree with the previous woman’s comment. There's so much coarseness in the world nowadays. Should we really be talking about marital issues publicly, what with all the teen pregnancies and trying to fight abortion? The Bible says we should be modest. Besides, there's more to life and marriage than sex.

From Steph:
Dear Kelly,
Yes, the Scripture says we should not be "carnally minded, but spiritually minded." It also says, "do not stay away from your spouse for more than a few days at a time, and acceptable, agreed-upon time lest you lead him into temptation." I don't think God takes too kindly when a wife leads a good man into temptation. Scripture also says that "older women should teach younger women."

Anonymous reader 1 wrote:
Yeah, the last thing I want to hear is marriage advice from some creepy, evangelical pastor. Why are there so many creepy evangelicals out there?

Anonymous reader 2 wrote:
I think it was Billy Graham's nephew, or grandson, or something, who said there are more sex scandals in the Evangelical Church than in the Catholic Church!

Anonymous reader 1 replied:
I couldn't agree more! I don't want some creepy guy telling me how I should be with my husband! Did you see the blog about that actress whose church pressured her into marrying some guy she wasn’t even interested in? She didn't even want him to touch her, but still married him! I'm sorry, but that's just disgusting! How can you marry somebody that you don't even want to touch!

Anonymous reader 3 wrote:
What, is the Evangelical church like some creepy, Scientology cult, or something?

Joanie777 wrote:
Steph, do you really think God means we should be intimate with our husbands every few days, when it says "not to stay more than a few days," or something, away from them?

From Steph:
Joanie777, here's the verse:

"Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." - I Corinthians 7:5

Joanie777, are you devoting yourself to prayer when you're denying your husband?
Is it for a limited time? 
Is it by agreement?
Or is it just because you don't want to give it up? 
You can see that God says Satan will tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Check out what the King James Version says:
"Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."

I certainly don't want to defraud my husband.
That's a pretty serious word.
That's illegal.
As in legal consequences against me from my husband.
As in legal cause for divorce.

Joanie777 replied:
Thanks Steph. Wow, I had no idea what it really meant.

Anonymous reader 4 wrote:
Yeah, but what about my needs!

Anonymous reader 5 wrote:
My husband is so demanding he wants to do it like 3 times a week! I'm tired! I work hard!

MariaRod wrote:
Do you think your husband is happy when you hold yourself back from him? His feelings matter too, you know! That verse says "a limited time," "by agreement," it's not just all about me!

Anonymous reader 6 wrote:
I heard that it's related to prostate trouble in older men. When their wives don't give it up.

Kelly Winthrop replied:
I hope we can all try to speak about this in a loving way, as Christians.

MariaRod replied:
Is it loving to make your husband unhappy? If you're not always in the mood, what's wrong with doing it for him on occasion, even if you don't feel like it? A good man will do things for YOU that he doesn't want to do all the time! You should be willing to reciprocate!

HappyChick5 wrote:
The times when you give in and do it, even if you’re not that into it at first, sometimes those times end up being the best.

Anonymous reader 7 wrote:
It definitely helps us get along better. Sometimes it seems like we bicker over the stupidest things. That disappears after we've been close.

Anonymous reader 8 wrote:
Yeah, my husband and I are much happier afterwards, too. That joy radiates outward to our children, co-workers, everyone we’re around. So, it's worth it, even when I'm not necessarily in the mood, beforehand. A def win-win for everyone.

DarleneH wrote:
I wanted to chime in on the comment about modesty and older women helping younger ones. I remember when I brought my daughter home from the hospital and started nursing her. I was like, "Oh. My. Goodness. I cannot believe how much this hurts!" Why did nobody tell me this hurts so bad! It's just one of those things women don't talk about. So, yeah, I think it is a good thing to share this information with others.



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